My Nursing Journey: Surviving to Thriving
My third child, Everett, was born via all-natural water birth, amidst the whirlwind of the holidays this past winter. I had him at a beautiful birth center with wonderful midwives. He was so precious and nursed right away after being born. I had nursed my other two children for 2.5 years each and never had any issues other than pain for the first couple of weeks with my first. I would consider myself somewhat of a nursing pro. I can nurse hands free while carrying baby in a wrap and continue on with food shopping, hiking, or whatever else without having to stop. I always fed on demand and never had any supply issues. I nursed while I slept, while I cleaned, and while I shopped. It was simple and natural and I felt it would be just so for every baby. The last thing on my radar was the potential for a nursing issue.
Life, of course, has a way of surprising us. The birth story of baby Evs was surrounded by incredibly high stress, which left me to deal with a much worse post-partum hormone swing than I had ever experienced before. I was SO beyond tired even though I was sleeping enough. The fatigue was unbearable. The stressors were extreme (cue a whole other long story). And I really felt like I couldn’t think or communicate. For the first ten days after baby came, I kept thinking to myself that something wasn’t right. I wasn’t hearing him swallow. He was sleeping too much. At the drs. appointments he was losing too much weight, but since I was a third time mom and had all of the experience, we felt he would start gaining any day. On day ten I finally got out of my mouth what had been in my head, and which I suddenly clearly realized, “He hasn’t eaten in ten days.” The realization that came over me began the series of events which would occur for the following 2 months.
I immediately tried to pump and got next to nothing. My supply had come in, but was lost as a result of him not drawing anything and in turn telling my body that I didn’t need to produce. My brother-in-law ran straight to the store and bought the only organic formula they had. Researching wasn’t possible. The following day I called a lactation consultant who came to the house. She was wonderful and encouraging, but further determined that he was unable to draw any milk. He was unable to nurse. She personally didn’t feel that it was a result of tongue or lip tie, but wanted me to get a second opinion from a specialist. She gave me several tips on upping my supply and I joined some pumping groups on fb, although I was too tired to read most of the posts. Initially he had to have almost 100% formula. I was only getting about ¼-1/2 oz every time I pumped. My pediatrician sent me a recipe for a formula I could make at home, and while my normal self would have been all over it, I knew my limit and there was no chance it was happening. My parents came over almost daily and I pumped constantly. I would not have been able to get my supply back without their help. Period. When alone, I’d be attached to a pump, plugged into a wall, while my two-year-old was swinging from the chandelier, opening the door to let the freezing winter air in, and climbing the changing table. There was just no way to do it alone amidst my current situation. So, when I was alone, I did what I could and when I had help I power pumped. Over the course of about 3 weeks I was able to give Everett more breastmilk each day until finally we no longer needed formula. I even ended up with an extra 16+ ounces a day which I was able to donate to a friend. I just kept working hard and moving forward and taking each gain I was given.
Everything was new to me; pumping, bottles, formula. There was a huge learning curve. After a few days, I was able to figure out the most time effective way to pump and feed while getting the most sleep possible. I chose to not pump at night (even though the pumping community would say it was essential), except for when baby woke me up. There were many things that would have been “best”, but my current best was the best for us, since it was all I could do. Our pediatrician told me that stress hormones also hinder milk production, so I had to pick a side and sleep won. When Evs would wake I would prop up some pillows and feed him while I pumped. When I finished pumping and he still had more to eat I would lay back down and doze while he finished eating; the base of the bottle rested on my chest and his head on my arm as I laid on my side. I will say that I was able to bring my nursing experience to the process. I had always co-slept and even nursed while sleeping, so I tried to keep things as close to the same as they would have been as possible. My lactation consultant assured me that it was a safe practice and I felt confident in that as well since I’m always very aware of my baby. I also made sure that I would never have to get up at night. I had a cooler bag next to my bed that I would lower the pump parts into after every use and when using formula. I would have the bottle pre-filled with water and would just add a scoop, shake, and feed. I made sure I brought enough bottles up that I wouldn’t need to get up to wash anything during the night. I fed using the “pace feeding” method and always used preemie nipples. This was all to support the hope that I would one day be able to nurse him, although I truly had no idea that it would ever happen.
At the tongue tie/lip tie consultation I was told that he had both and needed the procedure, which they do right then and there. I definitely didn’t feel right about it, but was also unable to research because my brain had yet to regain function after birth (literally told the doctor Everett’s name was Nolan and did not correct myself until I realized about 15 minutes later), and since it was over an hour drive from my house and was an expensive appointment, I felt I had no other choice than to trust what they were telling me. If I knew everything that I know now, then, there is a lot I could have done differently, but given the situation I feel I did the best I could in the moment. Baby Everett had the procedure done, and we were sent home and told to nurse 15 minutes per side and all would be fine. One of my qualms with doctors is that they often have tunnel vision for their specialty, and I definitely felt she wasn’t seeing the whole picture. Unfortunately, my hunch was correct, and the procedure did not fix the issue. He still couldn’t nurse. The lactation consultant came to the house again and also determined he was not drawing any milk. I was given info on how to use an SNS (supplemental nursing system) where you “nurse” the baby, but they are really getting milk from a tube you slip into the corner of their mouth. It was very difficult to use and after a few days I decided against it. I did decide, however, that I would commit to “nursing” him 1-2 times a day to keep him associated with it, even though he wasn’t actually getting anything from it. Some days I didn’t have a chance to and other days I did, but I did what I could.
One day, about two months after birth, I took Everett to my chiropractor. He was adjusted, and that night he nursed for the first time! Out of nowhere he just did it! It was amazing. It wasn’t super easy and I had to focus. It took effort for sure, but it was a start. My lactation consultant felt that the adjustment is what allowed him to nurse that night. She recommended I go see a cranial sacral therapist/chiro who specialized in infant feeding. She was so knowledgeable and diagnosed him with partial torticollis. I have since read that this can often affect a baby’s ability to feed and may have been our issue all along. Slowly, over the next two weeks, he nursed more and more until we reached the point where I put the pump and bottles away and could leave the house with just him and me with no need for back up. Many babies have issues switching from breast to bottle because of flow rate, but because we pace fed and used a preemie nipple, he had no struggle with this. From there it became normal and nursing is now just like it always was with my other children. I went through all of it not knowing what the outcome would be, but knowing what I could give. I’m so thankful for how it turned out.
I really felt like the whole process involved the need for me to find balance daily. There was what would have been “best” in a perfect world and scenario, and there was what was best for the reality I was living. With two other children to care for, a recovering mind and body, and all of the many issues and moving parts associated with Everett and his inability to nurse, I needed to walk a line that allowed for everyone to survive for the time being, which in turn allowed us all to eventually thrive. I encourage you, in whatever you are going through to find that sweet spot which is your “best” given all of the pieces your trying to work together, and move forward until you finish the race. Let go of the “what ifs” and the “should haves” and be confident in the process and the progress.
Here are the main things I learned during my experience:
1. Community is key. I was underwater. I needed help. Friends brought meals, messaged advice, and family babysat- a lot. Without this we would not have gotten to where we are today.
2. Finding your “best” within the circumstances you are given and letting go of the perfection you’d hoped for is key to both surviving and thriving.
3. Go see a Chiro/cranial sacral therapist who you trust and/or specializes in infants within the first week after birth. Maybe your baby came out perfect, but it can’t hurt to get them checked out! I think so many issues could be avoided by doing this. If I ever have another baby this will be in the plans.
Pumping:
1. Find the right pump. (You will get a free one from your insurance.) I initially had a Medella, but it was very painful. The Lansinoh worked better and did not hurt.
2. Get the Freemie cups (which will attach to any pump) for pumping while driving.
3. Always have a cooler bag with a stash of milk storage bags when you travel and using driving time to pump.
4. Power pump to up supply and do not rely on supplements to increase supply. Power pumping mimic cluster feeding.
Pump for 20, rest for 10
Pump for 10, rest for 10
Pump for 10 rest for 10
5. For nighttime pumping have a cooler bag with ice packs. Have pump on nightstand. Feed baby while pumping and keep pump parts (still attached to pump) in cooler bag. Store milk in milk bags (I used these) in cooler bag and in baby’s next bottle. WARNING: this method is not recommended by the CDC. It is considered unsafe practice due to potential bacteria. Work with your doctor and lactation consultant to find the best method for you.
6. Everyone says there is a right way to pump and up your supply, but after talking to so many people about their experiences I found that the reality is that everyone is different. In the end I never pumped for more then ten minutes at a time and it worked great for me, and I ended up with more of a supply than I needed. Others need to pump 40 minutes and will get a second let down (which I never got even after trying for over an hour). So, experiment and figure out what works for you.
Formula feeding
1. Buy one of these cups for using formula on the go. It’s a must.
2. Research ingredients. There are some formulas out there that I personally think should be illegal. I mean how is ok to have “high fructose corn syrup” in a baby formula? I used Earths Best Organic, which was the only organic, easily accessible formula at the time.
3. Keep enough bottles to get you through the night, pre-filled with water on your night stand, along with the formula container. When baby wakes to eat add a scoop, shake, and you’re done. No getting out of bed.
4. Wash all the night bottles in the am. I did a big bowl w warn soapy water and used a bottle brush. Other times I ran the dishwasher on sanitize.
Bottle Feeding with intent to Breastfeed
1. Use Dr. Brown’s breast to bottle feeding set. Maybe people will tell you to use a bottle that mimics the breast which has a wider top, however most infants will only suck on the nipple and not actually get a wide latch. Using Dr. Brown’s narrow nipple bottles is recommended by most lactation consultants because you can get the entire top into the baby’s mouth not just the tip, which allows for them to practice a wider latch.
2. Use preemie nipples. I used preemie nipples all the way through, even when he was 2 months old, until he transitioned to breastfeeding.
3. Pace feed. This mimics the natural flow of breastfeeding which isn’t a consistent flow. The reason most babies get very upset transferring form bottle to breast is because of flow rate.
4. Using the SNS (this was not for me, but is effective for others!)
My 2 year old. Yes, the one that would be swinging from the chandelier.
Doing all of this while caring for other children:
1. Have help from family, friends, sitters.
2. Use a portable breast pump when you can’t be “plugged in”. I used the Freemie Portable Pump, because it can run on batteries and clip on your pants pocket. The downside is that the suction is not as good. However, this is clutch when sitting around isn’t an option.
3. Bottle prop. This is controversial and some consider it unsafe practice. However, my lactation consultant assured me that it is only unsafe when baby is left alone. I was always right near him while using this method. I definitely felt bad doing this, because if he was breastfeeding, I would be holding him while he ate, but since pumping and bottle feeding took double the time it was essential at times in order to make the household function.
Wishing you Wellness, Purpose, and Abundance,
Emily
